You think you’re not a nice person. You are. You’re just very selective about who you’re nice to.
Yes, you’re easily angered and prone to violence, but we’re working on that. Yes, you’ve been to a juvenile detention center, but that wasn’t entirely your fault. And yes, your demeanor and attitude and reputation has caused people to think ill of you. You push people who want to help you away. You’re impossible to talk to when something bothers you. And you won’t ever admit that you need someone, especially during the times when you need them the most.
So why did I stick with you? Why did I not pack my things and leave after you’ve refused me into your life for the umpteenth time? The answer is I don’t know, but I’m glad I didn’t.
I couldn’t leave you alone. Even when I wanted to, I couldn’t. At first, it was stubbornness. I knew you needed help. I knew you needed friends, but you constantly pushed away those who tried. Everyone else eventually left you. Admittedly, even I thought about it, but someone told me that you cannot be won over so easily. That I need to be patient, but persistent. That I needed to show you I wasn’t just talk, that I could back my words up with action.
So it surprised me that in this process, you won me. I never expected you to be the gentle person that you are deep inside. You are so rough with your words, your actions, your demeanor. I was surprised the first time you showed concern for me. When everyone else saw me as my cheerful self, you saw right through me and asked me, with your eyes piercing into mine, if I was okay.
I was not, but no one else knew that. No one else picked up on my mood shift. No one has ever been able to tell. But you did. Somehow, you did.
Despite all my talk about how you need to let yourself depend on other people, you’ve picked up on my hypocrisy. I have so many friends who care for me and look out for me. I have so many people who I care about and who I would look out for. I have all these bonds that are so precious to me, but even so, I find it hard to allow myself to rely on others. I am so subtle with this, and people oftentimes cannot tell because I do not push people away, that it has become second nature to me. I simply keep them at a distance. Somehow, you’ve picked up on this. And without even realizing you were doing it, you were trying to help me the way I help you.
You let me be selfish. You never complain when I want something outrageous. You go with the flow and follow me at my pace. You don’t judge me for the random, childish things I ask of you. And you fulfill them. When I ask you to do something for me, you do it. Sometimes with a lot of reluctance, but in the end, you always do it. And I can tell, it’s because you care about me.
You wonder how I can fall for someone like you. My answer is, how can I not?
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