[C] Visiting

When I found my visitor, I took my time making my way towards her. I didn’t want to give her the ridiculous notion that I actually cared whether or not she visited me.

“Hey,” she greeted sheepishly when I took a seat across from her. “How’ve you been?”

“Same,” I answered. I wasn’t lying. This was juvy. Everything followed a routine.

“I came last week too, but they told me I couldn’t see you because you were in solitary.”

Except that. Being in solitary confinement usually only happened when I participated into a fight, which has been fairly often considering the hospitality of some of the girls in my company. “Yeah.”

“Nao, you can’t be-- they’re going to keep you longer if you act out in here,” she pleaded.

“What’s it to you? If you don’t wanna come, don’t.”

“I have no problem coming every weekend like I said I would. I just don’t want to see you in here longer than you have to be. I can tell you’re not eating or sleeping properly in here.”

Solitary confinement would do that to a person. They supposedly gave you three meals a day, as is mandated by the government, but all you get each time was a measly piece of dry toast, which barely lasts two bites. As for the sleeping, came with having to be alert in case some of my cellmates got any cute ideas about messing with me in my sleep. It was a tradeoff, eat better and don’t sleep or eat crap and actually sleep. That was mostly the reason why I didn’t really care if I was thrown into solitary. I was used to being alone, so the solitaire part didn’t bother me.

“If seeing me like this bothers you so much, leave. Go.”

I could see her frustration rising in her eyes. She would probably storm off soon if I continued the streak I’ve started.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you insist on me leaving so much? On pushing me away? I’m part of the reason why you’re in here!”

“So, what? Is this guilt? You’re coming here and visiting me every weekend because you feel partially responsible that I got locked up?”

“That’s not at all what I meant to say. Nao, I’m already in your heart. If I wasn’t, you wouldn’t have come back for me. You wouldn’t have hurt those guys, or get caught or anything like that. If you continued running, going to where you intended to go and left me, you would not be in here right now.”

“And you would not be here, annoying me.”

“You care about me, Nao, which means that I’m already someone you consider closer than other people. Why won’t you just let me in?”

When she put it into words, something in me snapped.

I cared about her.

Of course I cared about her. I liked her, but that didn’t mean that I had to succumb to these feelings for every little thing.

“This discussion,” I started as I stood, “is over.”

I turned around to leave the room until her voice stopped me. I didn’t need to see her to see that she was probably wearing a pleading expression.

“Nao, wait. I haven’t finished. Will you at least eat the lunch that I made for you?”

“Over,” I stated with finality before walking off.